The #1 Gora’s entry…and a tragedy

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So my husband is a little nervous about this particular draft, not sure why. Anyway, here goes….

So this assistant manager was moved to my office, and he barely smiled. He was what we would call a Khadoos (grumpy). I did not like him at all and thought he could at least smile once in a way. I did not get his humor. Why was it funny to laugh at the stupidest things? Maybe I was the grumpy one, who knows.

I was moved to another office and did not have to work with him anymore, yay!! But one evening I ended up climbing a curb and damaging one of my tires by the park. It was almost dark, and who do I decide to call for help-that same grumpy manager as he lived down the street. I needed someone to have their headlights on, so I could change my own tire, but he being a gentleman changed my tire. He then asked why I was stalking him? I just stared at him in disbelief and asked why the hell would I want to do that? Like I mentioned before, he has a weird sense of humor. I did not find that funny. I don’t remember how we decided to go for a movie one day, but I guess that was the start of a very interesting chapter. He was not my type, which was tall, dark and had to wear glasses, in fact he was short, white and too chikna.

We were working one morning when one of the employees came running in and said the tower fell. I looked at her and asked her what tower she was talking about. She was scared. We quickly turned on the radio in the car, the second tower was hit. What the hell had just happened? I was just there exactly a week ago and now this. I had all these thoughts running in my head-how did they not see the tower? why were they flying so low? was this an accident? I heard a scream from the office, the Pentagon was hit. We worked in the DC Metro area. Were we under attack? There was so much confusion. We continued to work as we had people waiting. Even though everyone was concerned we had a job to get done. One comment that I heard from one of the managers was “damn Muslims and their jihad”. I was completely taken aback. The next nine hours was chaos as the flood of people from D.C. came through our area as we were only 3 miles from the DC line.

We survived the 9/11 attacks, only to be in the cross-hairs of the Beltway Sniper in 2002. A lot of those shootings were extremely close to where we worked and places we visited frequently. So it was an extremely tense time, but those managers words still ring in my ears even today. What was happening to the world that I loved? So many unanswered questions. But among all this chaos happening in the world, I was beginning to accept this khadoos as mine.

After about three years, he introduced me to his family. I was extremely overwhelmed as it was a large family, and I hadn’t really been around family in years. They were sweet and extremely welcoming. I had crawled into this shell and generally did not let people into my life that easily, so I probably came off as shy or rude. There were lots of kids around and I didn’t do well with so many children at all, I still don’t. He and I talked about getting married, but I informed him that he had to speak with my parents first. For that he would have to travel overseas to my home in India. He had never left the United States, so this was going to be fun. Nothing like travelling to India on a first overseas trip. He had no idea what awaited him. All I told him was to come with no preconceived notions and an extremely open mind. The journey had begun….

The Career (America By Default)

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So the default as some of you read in my previous post was “love”. That is what brought me to America. And I stayed on, because I knew the sacrifices that were made by my parents. I really wanted to go back home, because this was not my home (as yet).

It would also be five years before I went home to see my parents and brother. They did not make it to my graduation, actually no one did. I had a few friends and that was it. I had missed them so much. I remember being told by some people that I would never be allowed to work here, and that I would never get a work visa. Luck seemed to be in my favor, because I did get to work here, and also got my work visa in Canada without any issues. Destiny was taking shape, and I guess I was meant to move here. But I was still uneasy and was looking for any opportunity to go back home. The vacation back home was a much needed one. Things had changed in India, and I actually got a culture shock when I went home. Everything was much more western since I had left, even though I had grown up in a city. But it was home and I was savoring every minute of it. But soon it was time to go back to work-gosh I had grown up and had a job now. Mom and Dad were proud that I was managing on my own, but I had never let on about how I felt internally. 

Career:

So I said goodbye to West Virginia, and moved to the Washington D.C. area. I worked 60+ hours a week, so yeah you could call me a workaholic. I actually loved my job because I got to meet people from different walks of life. The place I worked at was a good ol’ boys club and if you played the game right, you advanced. Well, I played by my set of rules, so you could say I did not advance very far. This was a completely new environment for me, new life skills were being learnt. I was even told since I did not go to enough happy hours I would never get promoted. I was okay with that because my self-respect was intact and I did not need to “advance” my career by forgetting my morals and values. I had cut off contact with all my friends and I did not have any idea what was happening in their lives(no FB as yet). When I got moved to another office, I was told we were getting this new Assistant Manager and I had heard he was very serious. So on one of my runs to his office before he moved to our location, I asked who this person was and he stood up from behind the desk, and I was hoping it would not be this person. Well it was, and soon began another chapter in my life of a love-hate relationship.

photographs: some of my best friends from high school in India, and the assistant manager who made an interesting entry at a not-so interesting time in my life. 

 

America By Default pt. 2

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Two and a half months after being settled in my University by my best friend and her hubby, I got the worst news ever that changed our world. My Abajaan (grandpa) had passed away and his words still rang in my ears…it was the last goodbye. My problem of trusting everyone was about to be tested. I left my backpack at a friends dorm room and went to an acquaintance’s home to call my mother and him. I was distraught and was not thinking right. I stayed there till I calmed down, and then got my bags and walked home in a daze.

Like I said my trust was about to be tested. In my time of grief, this person who lived in the dorms decided to go through my bag while I was making calls and took my credit card number. When I got the bill I was shocked-he had called a sex line with my credit card. I did my research on where the call originated from-it was his room. I confronted him, he denied it. I was so angry, and I decided to file a police report against him. They arrested him while he was asleep. He got out and then a few weeks later they arrested him again. So he did what most guys would do…smear my name among the Muslim students. He wanted me dead. I had some angels watching over me at the school. You all know who you are. I did not care and knew that eventually they too will find out who he really is. Took a year or so, but I got my apologies from the Muslim Students. I distanced myself from a lot of people and associated myself with the Indian students, trusted no one, except a few.

During the second year, he decided to visit. Something was different…with me, or him-I did not know. This caused a friction between my best friend and me and we stopped talking for a few years. When he left I knew it was over. I was heart-broken but learnt two valuable lessons-trust no one and love is an over-rated word. He then emailed me to let me know it was and was because of religion. Wish he had the balls to say that to my face. So why was I still in America? Because my parents had spent money to send me here and I was not going to let a guy make me disrespect them in any way. Yes, I came here because of him, he was the default in my life, but probably ended being a blessing too because it led to other adventures.

University definitely was an eye opener-a little sweet and bitter. I had no family, and no one to advise me on what I needed to do. I was trying to make sure I was getting the grades, while trying to deal with two different losses. No one told me life would be this ridiculous. So I graduated, managed to get a job too, much to my surprise. Moved to another state by myself and started a new chapter in my life-my career.

 

Late 80’s/Early 90’s: Part 2 End of school life

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So the early 90’s and pretty much the rest of the decade was a mixed bag of emotions. The nightmares were back in full force, my gender played against me, my first kiss 😊  and then I had to move cities again…How did I survive?

The Nightmares:

Waking up screaming for my mother became a very common thing in the early 90’s with me. The suppressed memories from my early childhood days, revived the worst kind of nightmares, right around when I was trying to figure out my way in this world. I needed a support system more than ever. There was no one to turn to, no one to talk to about my fears, and no one to advice me at all. The only way I could control these fears, was by immersing myself completely in my sports, music and friends. But even my closest of friends had no clue about what I was going through, as I never wanted to burden anyone.

School: Old and New

There was so much going on at school. We had a school strike-I don’t remember exactly why, but it was when I was fearless and defied the seniors who stormed into our class while we had a test.

I moved to a new school (9th & 10th grade), and made more new friends, who were just as fun as the old lot. Cake fights, crazy dandiya nights, movies, were just some of the fun things we did at this new school. At the new school, there was a little boy, who would end up being a huge motivating force in my present life.  I would still go back to Asan to see my old classmates, and that is when I noticed him. What was his name? He was my neighbor! I used to see him leave for school every morning, and return in the evening. I don’t remember how we started talking, but when we did and I realized we both were mental cases, equally possessive, and both crazy about each other. When I did move back to my old school, he was one year my senior. He was the first one I slow danced with, and the first boy I kissed. I remember one occasion, where he had to be locked in his classroom because he was mad at me, probably something that I did to annoy him. I won’t go into any more detail about him, as my parents read this too 😉. But he introduced me to one of my favorite genres of music and I absolutely love him for that. He did eventually ask me to marry him but I couldn’t, because I loved his parents a lot, and I knew exactly what his mom wanted for him, so I had to let go.

My final year of school was lovely-our class got suspended for a week, because someone decided to set off fire crackers in the closet of our classroom. How and who did it, I still have no clue. But it was in the middle of our accounting class, and boy was the professor pissed off. The principal accused me, saying since I come early to school to practice, it could have been me. What a crazy year, and I loved every bit of it. I won two regattas, got the best outgoing sportswoman of the year and passed my 12th grade.

I had some very close friends by the time I finished school. One silly one lived around the block, and his home was my second home. So I had parents away from my own, who loved and adored me. I also learnt how to drive-the Ambassador was my favorite. I used to drive down Mount Road extremely fast-some of my friends still shudder at those memories. There were a lot of hospital visits, as my grandparents were in and out of them. My two sweethearts would sometimes bring food to the hospital, and keep me company. I hated the smell of hospitals. On my last day of school, my grandpa was shocked that I was done. He had no clue as to which grade I was in. So he said the next thing was for me to get married. I didn’t know how to react and just said no, I wanted to study.

We graduated high school, and were ready for the crazy world of college. I thought I would continue my studies in Madras, but other plans were being made. I got into the Hotel Management program, and even secured a scholarship to go to Switzerland for a month, but I was informed I couldn’t because I was a girl. I didn’t know that my gender would play against me. That was not how I was raised. What a low blow to my self-esteem.

So this was the end of my time in Madras, before I left back for my hometown. Uncertain of what I was going to do, as I wanted to do my management, but settled for Arts, and I knew that I was wasting my time doing it. I left heartbroken, and with a lot of pain. I felt at that time that I was unwanted, and didn’t want to leave my amazing friends behind. They had been my everything for the last eight years, and the one who had taken my heart, how was life going to be without him. More adventure awaited me, as I prepared for my new life with my parents. Gosh I had missed them so much and was looking forward to living with them again, but I was going to miss living with my grandparents too.